Teen Mental Health with Dr. Beth Watson – College Bound Mentor Podcast #24

Welcome to the College Bound Mentor podcast! Each episode, hear trends, case studies, and interviews with students who have gone through it all.

This is Episode #24 and you’ll hear all things teen mental health with Dr. Beth Watson. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and your other favorite podcast spots – follow and leave a 5-star review if you’re enjoying the show!

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College Bound Mentor Podcast Episode #24: Teen Mental Health with Dr. Beth Watson

It’s no surprise the college application process can have a big impact on your teen’s mental health. On the bright side, there are plenty of things you can do as a parent to make sure they can handle anything. In this episode, we welcome on special guest Dr. Beth Watson, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in treating children, adolescents, and adults suffering from depression or anxiety. She’s an expert in both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) & Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Hear why there’s a lack of awareness around teen mental health & development, how to help your teens take care of their bodies & mental health, how to tell if a child is actually struggling with their mental health, the most stressful parts of the college application process, and the best ways to help your teen manage stress. This episode covers everything from mental health to the college application process. Here’s a small sample of what you will hear in this episode:

• What are some myths & truths about teen mental health?
• How can you tell if your child’s struggling with their mental health?
• What’s the most stressful part of the college application process?
• How can you as a parent help your kid handle stress & anxiety?
• When do you need to bring in professional help?

Connect with Beth at BethWatsonPhD.com and on LinkedIn, and Subscribe to College Bound Mentor on your favorite podcast platform and learn more at CollegeBoundMentor.com.

Check out the episode and show notes below for much more detail.

Show Notes

• Teen Mental Health with Dr. Beth Watson
  • [0:19] Welcome to College Bound Mentor
  • [0:25] Lisa Bleich, Abby Power, Stefanie Forman
  • [0:30] Connect with Beth at BethWatsonPhD.com and on LinkedIn, and Subscribe to College Bound Mentor on your favorite podcast platform and learn more at CollegeBoundMentor.com
  • [1:45] What are some myths & truths about teen mental health?
  • [5:28] What can we learn from Inside Out & Inside Out 2?
  • [5:52] How can you tell if your child’s struggling with their mental health?
  • [7:41] What are some teen mental health signs that are misleading or often missed by parents?
  • [9:54] What’s the most stressful part of the college application process?
  • [12:15] What causes stress & anxiety as your kids grow up?
  • [15:45] How can you as a parent help your kid handle stress & anxiety?
  • [21:28] When do you need to bring in professional help?
  • [22:42] What do you need to know when looking for professional help?
  • [24:50] How do we help students navigate the college application process?
  • [29:15] How do boys & girls differ with teen mental health?
  • [30:05] How do you make sure your teens get the support they need in college?
  • [32:21] Are 18-year-olds ready for college?
  • [33:28] What final thoughts does Beth have?
  • [34:00] Connect with Beth at BethWatsonPhD.com and on LinkedIn, and Subscribe to College Bound Mentor on your favorite podcast platform and learn more at CollegeBoundMentor.com
  • Theme Song: “Happy Optimistic Americana” by BDKSonic

What is the College Bound Mentor podcast?

Lisa, Abby, and Stefanie know college. They also know students. With over 30 years combined experience mentoring young people, they’ll show you why understanding yourself is the key to finding the right college. Each episode, hear trends, case studies, and interviews with students who have gone through it all – giving you valuable insight to survive the college application process and beyond. Hosted by Lisa Bleich, Abby Power, and Stefanie Forman, Partners of College Bound Mentor.

Transcript

Please note: this transcript is not 100% accurate.

Stefanie Forman 0:02
You think 18-year-olds are ready for college?

Dr. Beth Watson 0:06
I don’t know how to answer that, because what if I say no.

Lisa Bleich 0:20
Hey, CBMers. Welcome back to College Bound Mentor, where we help you survive the college application process and beyond. We’re your co-hosts, Lisa, Abby, and Stefani,e and on today’s episode, we are excited to welcome Dr. Beth Watson to discuss teen mental health and how it impacts the college application process. Beth Watson is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in child and adolescent treatment. Who has been in practice for 18 years, she has received training in both cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT, and is intensively trained in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, DBT, in addition, Dr Watson has experience in parent coaching for children and adolescents. Dr. Watson has a doctorate in clinical psychology from Teachers College, Columbia University, outside of her private practice, Beth currently is a clinical supervisor for graduate students running a DBT skills group for adults as a parent and psychologist who has spent the majority of her career working with adolescents and their families, Beth is a firm believer in a behavioral approach to therapy. One of the principles of DBT is that we can all work harder towards change while also balancing acceptance of ourselves and our families. Beth relies on exercise for one of her ways, own ways of maintaining mental health, and can often be spotted walking her rescue dog, Winston around the park. So welcome Beth. It’s so nice to have you on our

Dr. Beth Watson 1:31
podcast. Thank you so much, and thank you for having me. Yes, I also

Lisa Bleich 1:35
rely on exercise for my own mental health, so we share that in common, awesome. We always like to just kind of start off, or sometimes we end up, but really kind of looking at what are some of the myths and truths about teen mental health that you can help us? Yeah,

Dr. Beth Watson 1:50
that’s a great place to start. So one of the things that I think I’m surprised at, and both in my professional and personal life, is kind of the lack of awareness of normal adolescent emotional development. You know, it’s funny. I was just talking to some parents that I’m working with recently and sharing a story about my daughter getting really pissed off at me recently, because you guys brace yourselves. I dropped her off in the wrong area at her middle school.

Stefanie Forman 2:17
Oh no,

Lisa Bleich 2:18
oh no. Oh my god.

Dr. Beth Watson 2:22
I am the worst parent ever. I was sharing this with parents that I’m working with as a means of like recognition that when our kids are teenagers, emotional ability is a normal part of that process, and often as parents, we end up being the ones that are the recipients of that, getting dumped on by their emotions, and especially when they’re going through a rough time. And that’s completely normal and expected. You know, as a parent, I receive it too. And in fact, that’s a good sign, because it means that they’re developing I think one of the other myths that kind of comes up is that when we think about helping an adolescent maintain mental health, we actually like therapists. We actually are focused on a lot of the basics, so things like eating well, getting enough sleep, trying to have somewhat healthy diet with lots of different foods, eating regularly, drinking water, not that I don’t focus on other issues and and use a lot of the skills with clients that I work with. But it’s a good reminder that, like all of us, need to help our adolescents kind of take care of their bodies in those ways. Yeah, it’s

Lisa Bleich 3:32
such a good point that you mentioned that I was actually meeting with a client last week, and he was telling me like his grades improved quite a bit, like from, you know, from one year to the next. And I said, Well, what, you know, what did you do? This is amazing. He said, You know what? I just started taking naps after school, and that just kind of recharged me. And then I was able to focus on my homework because I wasn’t so tired. So, like, a little thing like that. It was like, you wouldn’t think that’s a big but it made a huge difference for him. So sleep is, is really, really important. And I Are there any truths that you would say about mental health? You gave us a couple myths, but are there any truth

Dr. Beth Watson 4:09
Well, I mean, I think a truth that probably adults know and teens forget is that when we take care of our bodies, we feel better, right and like kind of so that’s speaks to that part. I guess a lot of my work, I’m thinking a little about in DBT, one of the big things we talk about is emotion regulation. But I talk a lot in my practice about how normal it is for us to have emotions, and how it’s expected as humans to have a variation of emotions and sometimes to feel overwhelmed, sometimes to feel sad like that, those things are all really important and powerful, and it’s helpful for teens to start to notice their emotions and not just kind of want to get rid of them, but to spend time thinking about why they’re experiencing those things, and maybe start to notice what they can do about that sometimes our. Emotions are telling us something important that we need to listen to or slow down or think about. Like, for example, if someone’s overwhelmed, I might help a client, like, slow down and be like, Okay, maybe there’s something here that we need to take off your plate, or maybe we need to think about this activity isn’t the right one for you anymore. And kind of really helping kids slow down and pay attention to that, that part of their brain and the emotional

Lisa Bleich 5:22
part. Yeah, did that movie Inside Out to help at all? Oh, my

Dr. Beth Watson 5:26
God, it’s amazing. Yes, I tell people to watch it for homework, both of them, yeah. And Lisa demore, who’s an amazing psychologist, who I really admire, helped with that movie as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lisa Bleich 5:37
That’s, that’s a fun movie, especially when I love that. When the team comes in, the team. That’s the score and the sarcasm, right? That’s the new the new feeling. And that kind of brings us to, you know, teenage years, as you mentioned, are, like, fraught with, like, so many changes in behavior. And so as a parent, how can you tell if your child is actually struggling with mental health, rather than just exhibiting normal teenage behavior? Like, as you said, my kids, I have three daughters. They’re all in their 20s now, and I was always the recipient of all of their angst. And one, and I remember a middle daughter used to say to me, like, Mom, I just need to fight with you like I did. Like, you need to, like, not verbalized it. I need to fight with you. You know, that was kind of a thing. Like, I wanted you to just, like, have that, that combat image, she needed it. And I kind of realized, okay, because I’d be like, I’m disengaging, but that didn’t work. So how do you know what’s normal and when it’s actually something that you need to seek help, or just it’s they’re struggling?

Dr. Beth Watson 6:32
Yeah, this is a really important point. So in my field, we we diagnose mental illness or someone that needs help when their emotional issues or their symptoms are getting in the way of functioning. That’s the phrase that I would keep in mind. And so what that means is, like a kid who is having trouble getting to school or not seeing friends or not able to do certain things, that’s when we feel concerned. We want to notice, like, noticeable changes in behavior patterns, and definitely if things have changed a lot recently. So if a kid, for example, is always a really good eater, and then is not a good eater, or always a pretty good sleeper and not sleeping, well, we want to know that and know those differences. And it is normal to have periods of stress and overwhelm, I would say, especially in these high school years, when we’re dealing with college stuff, right? And so shorter periods of that are okay, but we want to notice over time what’s going on and again, what this kid might be missing out on.

Abby Power 7:36
What are along the same lines, what are some signs that are often or can be misleading, or that are often missed by parents.

Dr. Beth Watson 7:47
That’s a good question. Misleading. It’s funny. I guess for me, I’ve gotten the opposite recently. So I think I’m having a little bit of a biased response, where I’ve heard of kids that might be having a rough day or a sad day, but generally are fine and doing well, or like you’re saying, like might be grouchy or kind of pushing back on parents, but then in school, are doing great. Are known as a respectful kid and a kind kid. And that kid, I might be like, hey, this kid is probably okay. They probably don’t need to start therapy.

Abby Power 8:14
With my own two boys. I have two boys in their 20s also, so we’re kind of beyond a lot of it, I guess. But I just remember that sometimes they would question their own mental health, you know, when they were feeling super stressed or super down, you know. And I am not an expert, and I often offered them to see someone they haven’t done yet, but I assume, and I assume they will eventually. But yeah, it was, it was kind of, I tried to help them identify. I felt like what you’re saying, if you feel like you can come out of it, yeah, on your own.

Dr. Beth Watson 8:50
Thank you for clarifying. I think it’s more about timing too, right? So like we all have rough days, or we might go through a period of our of our life where things are are hard or maybe more stressful, and that’s normal and expected, and we are supposed to have an emotional response to that, right? Like, that’s how our bodies react, and sometimes that’s how our bodies are also telling us, like, hey, take care of yourself. Do a little more to self care, whatever that is. I think it’s about the extension of time. So if it was, like, temporary, and maybe they just need a little time, and then it kind of, we’re able to go back to things that would be good. But if it’s going over time, I would say over, you know, two weeks, and it’s the pattern is continuing, and it feels like a shift, that’s where I would start concerned and maybe consider therapy.

Abby Power 9:33
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And two weeks doesn’t really sound like that much time, but in in a kid’s world, it really, it really is, if I, if I think about it, that’s actually interesting. So we’ve been talking about the fact that this can be a stressful time High School, especially for kids and college. Have you seen commonalities from where a lot of, most of the stress and anxiety comes from? I

Dr. Beth Watson 9:58
mean, I think the college application probably. Us guys, as you know better than I do. It’s just really intense these days and uncertain and unknown and unpredictable. And I mean, again, you know this so much better than I do, but that is definitely like a stressor. I think, trying to, like, have a good application and get into a good school. I know we all spoke a little bit about the book Never enough, which was a really lovely reminder for me, and I definitely recommend if any parents haven’t read it, to read it. But talks a lot about how you know, you just have to get into a college, or you don’t have to get into a college. Some people do well, just by not even going to a college, and kind of helps check those expectations and pressures, which is an helpful thing. But definitely I think the academic pressure and the pressure to get in is something that a lot of kids do struggle with.

Abby Power 10:44
Yeah, it’s it’s unfortunate. I try to tell my clients that if we, you know, do all we can, and we’re doing the best we can, whatever that looks like, there’s so much we can’t control. If we just control what we can control, it shouldn’t be stressful until it’s all out of our hands and we’re waiting to hear from the colleges. Other than that, it should feel like we’re working towards our goal, whatever that goal is, but it’s hard. There’s, I mean, it’s nothing like when we were kids, where there was zero pressure, one bit of pressure about getting into school, or where I was going to school, I have to say. So yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s hard to watch them sometimes.

Stefanie Forman 11:21
I mean, I’m in a different place. My daughter is six, six and a half, and I have people all the time ask me, Well, if you had to pick a college for her, where would you send her? Oh, and she’s six and a half. Oh my gosh. So it’s just the fact that I have peers who are thinking about it at this point is troubling. So yeah, and it’s also interesting. Again, I’ve worked with students high school students for forever, for like, the past. That’s not forever, for the past 20 years, but it’s so interesting again, because you’ve all been through this, but to have a six and a half year old daughter who is so vulnerable with her emotions and is so open and is like, she’s like, Mommy, I’m feeling emotional right now, or I’m feeling anxious, and then like, how it shifts to she’s so vulnerable and in this great way, and how it shifts to where they are now and with our own students, and I always think about what happens in all those years. Again, you guys have lived this with your with your old children. I’ve lived it with students, but I don’t know if you have any insights of what changes like from elementary school to middle school to high school, and where those shifts come from. I don’t know. That’s a really general question. That’s

Dr. Beth Watson 12:35
a really big question. Yeah. I mean, there’s a lot of developmental changes, and so one of the things to keep in mind with adolescents is that our frontal lobe is not fully formed until, like, age 22 and that’s the part of our brain that is, like, the most logical, the executive functioning that piece. One thing that we see a lot in teams is that emotional ability. It’s because they’re they’re not always able to slow down and think logically. If anyone is interacting with an adolescent, you’ve had this experience where, when they’re really emotional, everyone’s giggling, right? They just like, are not really making any sense. And then it is actually a really good strategy to kind of pause and disengage in that moment, because otherwise you’re kind of like running into a brick wall trying to get them to logically see what in their emotion mind what they can’t see in that moment. Now, they will calm down and hopefully can be logical later on, but it is an important thing to keep in mind. But I think six is like even earlier on in that brain development process. So you’re not even close to there yet, right? And she’s probably jumping all over the place in terms of what she feels, which is actually, I think, with young kids, kind of wonderful, because they can, they can be having a really strong feeling, and then you can bring in something else that’s completely different, and they can completely shift, and you have a completely different kid in front

Lisa Bleich 13:52
of you, yeah, how great that you that she’s able to name her feelings, right? That’s wonderful. You know what?

Stefanie Forman 13:57
Engage full circle. I credit when she saw inside out, like, I think she used that to start and again, really amazing teachers, but that’s when things started to make sense. And now she’s being manipulative and is like, and using, I’m feeling emotional to watch TV like, post bedtime. That’s another that’s another story for another day. Just going back to the college application process really being a stressor for the the students that you work with. Is there anything in particular of the process that keeps coming up as a number one stressor, or is it just the application process in general?

Dr. Beth Watson 14:38
I don’t think so. I just think it’s a it’s just like a lot of extra stuff on kids that are typically pretty busy anyway. And I just think it carries a lot of emotional weight. I mean, the thing that’s hard for them to see and as adults, many of us had this experience, or at least, kind of know people like it’s hard to actually know what school is the right fit for you when you’re that age. And the reality is that kids can make most schools work for them, right? Like, I’m sure you have this experience. I have had the experience of working with individuals that got into their perfect school and didn’t have an amazing experience. And vice versa, like, got into the school they didn’t want to go to end up having an amazing time. And so it’s a good reminder that, like, it’s not just about the school, it’s about how you act when you get to the school, all those things. Yeah, it’s

Lisa Bleich 15:26
definitely what you do once you’re there, as opposed to where you where you are. And I think that’s a really important lesson. But I think that a lot of the times, the kids perhaps feel that more intuitively than the parents. And so in terms of, I don’t know. I mean, you’re, I know you work mostly with adolescents, but do you ever because one of the things that we also wanted to share is, like, as a parent, how can you help your students better navigate the process? Like, as an example, like, when my kids were going through it, my kids, my daughters, would always want to talk to me, like, at the end of the day, when I was not, you know, I didn’t, I was spent. I didn’t really want to talk about it, and they didn’t really want to talk about it when I wanted to talk about it. And so a lot of times, I feel like parents make everything about college, like from the time they get into ninth grade or even eighth grade, everything is about college. And so with my kids, I would say, Look, you schedule a meeting with me, just like you’re a client. And then at that meeting, we’ll talk about college, and we’ll do what we need to do, and then the rest of the time we won’t talk about college. You know, we really that won’t be everything, the only thing that we talk about. And I think it worked really well. And perhaps my kids, because they kind of grew up with me doing this, weren’t as they kind of were, were steeped in it, so they recognized where their place was in a little and as did, I wasn’t trying to push them beyond what they were that what was appropriate, right? And so what would you say in terms of for parents? How would you help them navigate that process, or any piece of advice you’d give them? Yeah, so Lisa,

Dr. Beth Watson 16:55
first of all, that night time coming to you is a very developmentally appropriate thing that they were doing, because that’s when they’re just, like, more awake. And it’s definitely hard for parents, because most of us are tired at that period of night right to try to, like, buckle up and try to listen, because that’s, like, the minute that they’re ready to go. I definitely get that piece of it, I think, for parents to consider, I love the idea of scheduling time, like scheduling a check in, potentially letting your kid drive when that check in is having them think about what will be a time of day or a time in the week when they feel more willing to have this conversation check in about college stuff, even like having a non verbal way to start and then to queue up the conversation, like, Hey, here’s a list of things. Here’s an email. Can you make sure you work on these things? Whatever that is, I think that something that I run into a lot with parents is that their kid will not be talking to them about something, so they will bring it up a lot, and sometimes clients will say to me, but that’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about, and then my parents will ask me about it, and it’s like gasoline on a fire, they have a strong reaction because it’s been like, going, going, going in their brains. And so that’s something that I want to just like, remind parents of, that just because they’re not saying it out loud doesn’t mean that it’s not on their mind or they’re not considering it.

Lisa Bleich 18:14
Yeah, that’s a super good point. And do you think a lot of times they’re actually avoiding it because it is on their mind and they don’t know how to deal with

Dr. Beth Watson 18:20
it? I don’t know if it’s avoidance, or they’re getting to it in their own way, or whatever, but like, one thing that I think about a lot, especially with the college application process, is, like, how much environmentally they’re hearing about it, right? Like, whether it’s teachers, peers, coaches, whatever. And so then, like, you know, the poor parent comes in and says one thing, but it’s actually the 5 million thing. Like, of course, yeah, right. So trying to keep that all in mind, yeah,

Lisa Bleich 18:47
that’s a really good point, because there is so much chatter. And I think we always tell our clients, like, look, we’re putting a plan in place that’s specific to you and what you need to do. So when you hear all the chatter about what everyone else is doing. You could know that that doesn’t necessarily work for me, so I can just focus in on my plan. It doesn’t always work, but that’s our goal. Is to try to help them, give them some tools to manage that, because there’s so much chatter about

Dr. Beth Watson 19:12
it, oh my gosh, yeah. And then also social media, which is, oh yeah, I didn’t even say that, yes, absolutely exacerbates everything

Abby Power 19:19
from from putting pressure on them. Because I think years and years ago, no one, no one knew what you were doing in your own personal journey to get to college. And now everybody puts, everyone does, yeah, and even Yeah, I guess if, even if you don’t volunteer to put stuff out there, people feel, you know, entitled to ask a lot. So yeah, I think social media has really changed the process for these kids too.

Stefanie Forman 19:45
So many high schools post the acceptances as they come, and I’m just, yeah, they

Lisa Bleich 19:51
usually have, like, an Instagram account, and so then everybody is watching and seeing where everybody gets in. And so that can also add. Add to the stress, especially this time of year, because right now, all the decisions are going to be coming out the next all of the regular decisions are going to be coming out in the next couple of weeks, couple of few weeks. So that can add to the stress. But

Abby Power 20:10
the high schools even post early decision results, which, to me, I mean, that would be just the most basic rule is, don’t post until May 1, which is decision day if you’re going to post, yeah, out of high school, fine, but do it on May 1, when everyone’s made their decisions and everyone’s sort of come to terms with it, but they’re posting, you know, some kids get into school in October and they’re posting it right away, which puts so much pressure on everybody. Some people who won’t know anything until March, that’s, you know, six months to wait. It’s crazy.

Dr. Beth Watson 20:41
Yeah, yeah. It really makes it harder, absolutely, yeah.

Abby Power 20:44
One thing that we want to ask, because we deal with some, you know, a lot of clients have anxiety. A lot of clients of ours have just normal stress. We deal with kids, with men, all kinds of mental health issues. Some are already seeing therapists. Some are not, and just sometimes, you know, we’re not experts, so we don’t give mental health advice. But I think what would be something that would be helpful for us to know is, when do we bring in professional help? Like, what kind of behaviors do we if we see in clients, do we talk to the parents and we, or parents who are listening to this, what behaviors or actions would prompt bringing in a professional consultation mental health?

Dr. Beth Watson 21:34
Yeah, so I think I would go back to like a kid that’s having difficulty functioning and so, like, what I mean by that is, you know, maybe you’re having a tutoring session and the kid can’t stop crying, and has reported crying for the majority of the past week, and that’s been going on for a few more than two weeks. Or, like, someone that is starting to really fall behind on their homework for the first time in a while. And like, the whatever’s happening, it’s really getting the way of doing things they really don’t want to do. We have this psych term anhedonia, which means, like, no longer having interest in things that you typically would be interested in. So that might be, like, you know, someone that’s really interested in music and they’re having listened to music recently, or, like, loves their pet and hasn’t taken their dog out for a walk, like those kinds of things I would be worried about. Okay,

Abby Power 22:25
yeah, that’s a good way to look at it, things that they that we’ve seen them in the past, be interested in totally just drop Yeah, yeah. That’s definitely something I should watch out for.

Dr. Beth Watson 22:35
I

Lisa Bleich 22:36
and what are some things that you would recommend for families when they’re trying seeking out professional help. What would be some questions like you do CBT and DBT. So how does someone know which type of which modality of psychology would work best for them? Oh, this is

Dr. Beth Watson 22:51
a little bit of a loaded question. So, so first of all, I think one thing that’s a problem in my field is that parents don’t know a ton about therapy, and then, unfortunately, call people without much understanding. So first of all, I would treat it like you would any other like health professional. I would ask a ton of questions, and I would want the person to answer those questions and with like, clear answers and what we know about empirically valid therapy for adolescents is that it should be time limited. It should be goal oriented, meaning there should be identifiable goals that the clinician is working on with a kid, and we try to measure those goals. And I’m putting measure in quotes. I know air quotes, I know we’re on a podcast, but like, what I mean by that is, if I’m working with a client that comes in, say, because they’re depressed and they they haven’t really left their house on the weekends in the last three months, then one of my goals might be getting this kid to do more outside of the home and engage more socially. And that’s a measurable goal, right? So I would want to see that over time, not just like one hangout with a friend. But like, starting to engage in something, whatever that is, club, dance class, friend, you know, whatever that is, but starting to actually be able to check in, and ideally, the clinician is also checking in with a kid about these things moving forward, really trying to think about what behaviorally is going to look like. I’ve been taught, I’m, I’m a behavioral therapist. You said that in the intro, right? But like, what behaviorally the kid is presenting with, and we want that to how do we want that to look differently? If therapy is, if it works, if we’re successful,

Abby Power 24:31
what advice? So we’ve already stipulated all of us are in agreement that this process, the college application process, is stressful, and it can start. It can start stressing kids out from eighth grade, depending on what context they’re in, hopefully not sooner than that. But what advice can you give to us as people who are navig helping the kids navigate the process and guiding them through the process, to help sort. Of you can’t minimize the stress, but help deal with the stress. You know, what are some some coaching advice, yeah, for us to help our clients with. I mean, we’ve all developed our you know, we we’ve all we all have kids. We’ve all developed our own styles and everything. But are there things that we can help them, that we can address with them, that you think might, in general, help mitigate the stress

Dr. Beth Watson 25:25
and DBT, there’s this phrase that we use accumulating positives, which is kind of an interesting phrase. But the idea of the skill is that, particularly for individuals that have struggled with mental health issues, once they are able to reduce suffering and symptoms, one of the things that they have to start to do is build in positives and start to intentionally build in things that bring them joy in their lives. And if you think about specifically for someone that might have struggled with a lot of depression or anxiety, then once those symptoms are gone, there is often, like, kind of an absence of that I would think about. I mean, I would encourage you guys to kind of with each of your clients, know what they enjoy, and maybe make sure that they’re intentionally doing that thing now, that could be playing with their dog, that could be playing a sport, an instrument, it could be Art Theater, right? Like thinking about those things and spending a little time asking about that, maybe, if you’re if you’re noticing that it’s been, like, a stressful session, and just like, there’s a reason for that, right? We want to intentionally be happy to and think about positives as well. And I could be wrong, but I imagine that’s also going to help them think a little bit about how they’re going to present in an interview and, like, show that side of themselves, like, what they’re passionate about, yeah,

Abby Power 26:40
yeah, totally agree, actually, but deliberately, in a given meeting, during a stressful time, focusing a little bit of time, setting aside some time to talk to them about the things they love and enjoy, not as a distraction, just to remind them, I think is a really great idea. I love that.

Lisa Bleich 26:57
Yeah, that’s a good idea. You know, it’s interesting that our initial consultation with our strategy meeting. And we often come back to this when we’re helping. And you mentioned this even at the beginning, we have like this two by two matrix, which is kind of time spent, and then level of enjoyment or value to yourself or others. And so whenever we’re trying to figure out, like, what activity someone could because sometimes you have someone who comes in and is doing too many things, right? So they’re in the overwhelm stage. And so I will say, hey, like going over all these activities, where does this fall? In terms of the level of enjoyment to yourself like that you really love doing it, or value that you feel like you’re creating for yourself for other people? And when they start to think about it, then it’s much easier for them to figure out whether they should keep doing something or not do it, or spend more time doing something else that maybe they they didn’t have enough time to do. So I think that’s a really good reminder about the idea of joy. Yeah, I

Dr. Beth Watson 27:53
love that, and that connects to that idea of mattering from never enough as well, right? This, this concept of really trying to help build for our kids as a way to help them feel happy and live a fulfilling life, like finding a place where they feel like they really matter and like an activity or something and contributing, then that’s a really cool idea to kind of revisit. I’m not going to speak to it, but she talks about a lot in

Lisa Bleich 28:17
that book. I mean, I’m sure we all find this, but when the kids are doing something it seems like they get a lot of value for themselves, or they feel like they’re matter, particularly when they’re doing something service oriented doesn’t have to be, or something where they’re interacting with other people, and they could see a direct impact of what they’re doing and how that connects with other people. I mean, sometimes it’s just baking. I mean, that’s it, but a lot of times it’s baking and providing it to their friends, or making people happy, or we’ve had kids who’ve made like, like, really beautiful cards for birthdays, and so that’s something that feels like they matter because they’re making other people happy. So I think that that’s a really good, good point to put that in.

Dr. Beth Watson 28:53
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. I think about this, about just like, trying to build in something where, right, like, whether they’re doing a kind thing for a neighbor, or just like, making sure that they’re kind of part of the community in some way, and feel like they’re a noted part of that community that’s really important for our kiddos. Yeah, having two

Abby Power 29:12
boys, everyone else has girls. Having two boys, that is really important for boys, because boys can be really cruel to each other. I know girls can too, but I don’t know anything about girls, so I can’t speak to that. But boys, it’s a long road to get through high school, so for them to have always have a community where they feel like they belong outside of school, or an activity that matters to them, where they matter to other people, I think is so critical. That’s just parenting advice I give to people who have, again, can’t speak to girls, but boys. You know, my boys both played chess, and no matter what, they had these friends who just were always kind to them, and, you know, part of their deal. So, yeah, I think that that’s really important. I think last. Question is, do you have recommendations for how families can prepare their kids to get the support they need while they’re in college?

Dr. Beth Watson 30:08
Oh, this is such a great question. So usually, when I’m thinking with families about preparing a kid for college, I try to help them think about, what are the independent what are the activities that a college student needs to be able to be able to do, and if they’re, you know, high school seniors not doing those things yet, to try to make that happen in during the senior year. And things I would think about would be, you know, a lot of the self care stuff, managing food, managing personal hygiene, getting up on time for class, by yourself, without someone waking you up doing your laundry, although the reality is some colleges students get laundry services, so maybe that one’s not so important. And then I would also think about that executive functioning piece of like managing homework. Now, there’s a lot of resources available on college campuses if kids need help with that stuff, but really kind of trying to use that time right before college to think about where can kid might be struggling and what they might need extra assistance or help with, so that we can set that up. I like it when families that I work with have identified resources on campuses before they go that they may take part of or even stop by before they need them, just to kind of make it like, reduce the hurdles to getting there if they need them later on. I think those are the big ones. Food. I know some kids have a harder time with food, you know, depending on their diet or whatever, making sure they can manage that or come up with options on their own. And then

Lisa Bleich 31:35
just one other thing, just to add to that, a lot of a lot of schools do offer the services, but they don’t always offer them continuously, so you might get up to a certain number of sessions. So it’s also a good idea to make sure that if you need more than that, you need a regular visit, that you have that in place. Yes,

Dr. Beth Watson 31:52
thank you for mentioning that. Yeah, absolutely. And then there’s a lot of like tutoring academic services as well. I I think in college, one challenge is that you really have to speak up for yourself. And I know a lot of parents have struggled with the over 18 issue of a kid has to ask for their own support or services. And so that’s something to kind of help parents think about that their kids should be, you know, towards the end of high school, if there’s any issues with a teacher, managing that on their own, speaking up for themselves, approaching the teacher, all those things.

Stefanie Forman 32:18
So So speaking of and just really, truly, out of my own curiosity, you think 18 year olds are ready for college? I

Dr. Beth Watson 32:27
don’t know how to answer that, because what if I say no, then we’re in trouble, because they’re all going

I think it really depends. I mean, as we all know, like COVID has set our kids back. I will say, like, I think for a lot of kids, taking an extra year or taking some time at a local community college and then transferring is a really good option, and it really depends on the individual and the family, and I would much rather do that than have someone, like, take a really big leap and then have it not not work out, because that’s really hard, and

Lisa Bleich 33:01
we’ve seen that. I mean, we’ve seen kids who have gone off and haven’t been ready, and then they’ve ended up either withdrawing or just not doing well their first semester, and then they transfer, and it’s not the end of the world, you know, they’re able to recover from it. So I think it’s good to there’s no reason not to take time if you need the time. Yeah,

Dr. Beth Watson 33:17
exactly. So it is hard, but I think it’s really like such an individualized question. But if someone’s not ready, they’re not ready, take the time. I mean, yeah, it doesn’t matter when you go to college. No one knows if you’re 18 or 19 or 21 right? Like, it doesn’t

Lisa Bleich 33:29
really, no, it doesn’t matter. You just want to be successful. So are there any last words or any last pieces of advice you’d like to give before we close?

Dr. Beth Watson 33:37
No, I really appreciate you guys inviting me to do this, and I really, I know it’s hard for both kids and parents to support them, their kids through this process. And I think it’s really incredible that you’re offering the services that you offer, because I know it, it can really help to have a third party navigate kids through this process, and so keep doing what you’re doing.

Lisa Bleich 33:57
Thank you, and thank you, CBMers, for tuning in. To catch more episodes of College Bound Mentor. Make sure to Follow or Subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and tell a fellow parent or student about the podcast. To learn more, visit CollegeBoundMentor.com Until next time, you got this!